I was basically raised using guilt trips. My parents were the master manipulators. It's awful. I catch myself doing this to my kids, and when I try to stop, I end up shutting myself off emotionally to them at all. I also entered a marriage in which my husband manipulates me in the same way. I emotionally and mentally cannot handle it. It causes me to slip into a very deep depression and become a complete sociopath. I hold everything inside. When I try to resist the manipulation, I end up flipping out because I don't know how to express emotions anymore. I also wasn't really allowed to cry, so now I can't cry. Hmmmm....what else? Oh, I am absolutely terrified of being wrong. All of my mistakes were blatantly pointed out to me as a child in a shameful manner, so now I am afraid to make a mistake at all. This causes me to NOT make decisions because I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision. It's easier NOT to make a decision than make the wrong one. Oh, and I'm constantly apologizing for everything. I feel deep remorse when I do something to offend someone. I hate fighting. I will do anything I can, including accept guilt, in order to avoid an argument. I will allow people to blame me instead of each other just to avoid an argument. I'm 30 with 3 kids....don't think I'm going to change. I do, however, try to parent my children differently. I try to reason with them instead of manipulating them. I allow them to make mistakes and learn from them and just be kids. My daughter is a free spirit, and although she is a handful, I'm going to continue to allow her to be like that. She's happy. I want her to be happy and strong....unlike me.
